I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We need to get me chipped asap
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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