3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
