so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
