then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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