i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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