allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
They are going to name an STD after you.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
