is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
