i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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