it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
