we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
