You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
