She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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