Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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