I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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