Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
