After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
