Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
