I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
