My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
