I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
