y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
