Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
