Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
