I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
