I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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