Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Randomize
