Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
