so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
