I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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