ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
