i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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