no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
