I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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