well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
