he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
