dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm both gender and math confused
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
