i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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