I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
