You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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