We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
