90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
