1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
