I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
