so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
