Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
