I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
