It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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