I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
