You smell like stripper and shame
even my farts smell like vagina
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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