fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
