Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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