she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
