She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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